Hi. You probably know me as hellohahanarf from my years of commenting around the world wide internetz, yet never having a blog. Well my friends, that has changed. Welcome to MY site.
Our offices were in downtown Pittsburgh until a few years ago. After many successful years we bought a building less than five miles away from downtown proper, yet still within the city limits.
Which is why every day when I see the wild turkey and deer on the way to and from the office it blows my mind. Thursday was a semi stressful day at the office, plus it was pretty damn emotional considering it was the seventh anniversary of the horrific events of September 11, 2001. Instead of the normal breath of relief mixed with fresh air, around six thirty when I finally walked out the front door to the parking lot, my attitude instantly lifted. Yep, that is a peaceful young deer beside the front of my SUV.
What do you mean, you can’t see her? Over there to the right of my Chevy. Still too far away? Well, she just so happened to let me get closer.
I moved slowly and she watched me, but she didn’t leave those apples even as I opened the door to the vehicle she was in front of. Climbing in somehow changed her thoughts on me and she proceeded to walk right in front of where I was seated. Even as I turned the key and the engine roared to life, she kept munching on the apples that someone left for the deer.
The 20 minutes I spent with her certainly relaxed me. Turned out to be a lovely and relaxed drive home. Oh how I love city living!
P.S. To the fuckers who are gonna holler that they want their guns…no. Just no. You can’t hunt in my work’s parking lot. There is an office building behind the deer you see here and there are lots of people around, including a hotel. I grew up in a hunting household and have no problem with hunting, however you are not shooting deer or turkeys in my fucking parking lot. Thanks.
The other day I mentioned that there are lots of times I want to stay home once I get back to my house. Thursday evening was not one of those times. On the way home from work I called my aunt (Tinkle Twat Tom Tom) who lives in my neighborhood. Turns out she was looking for an excuse to not be home and just so happened to be craving a mojito. What a coincidence…I was thirsty! Bring on Mojito Madness!
We headed to Bahama Breeze and had a wonderful night of drinks, food, laughter and drinks. But I was plagued by a song that I couldn’t get out of my head. A song from a damn commercial! A song with a dance that I struggled from shaking my butt to! (This is why I am in marketing and sales. Because marketing so works on me.)
Speaking of marketing working on me, I am about to admit something that I really shouldn’t admit. I love infomercials. We are talking love people. LOVE! I drooled over the personal, versatile counter top magician for like fucking ever until I finally got it for Christmas. I bought mineral makeup that I never wore. Proactive looked fantastic so I bought it and never opened the box. My Miracle Blade knives, with the block holder thingy, made me so happy that years later I bought the Miracle Blade Series III knives. (I do so love them.) It is pretty safe to say that I appreciate a good infomercial. Especially if I have been drinking. No spray on hair crap, but really usable products with a good pitch get me every time.
Which reminds me of my family’s favorite Becky and Alcohol Don’t Mix With Infomercials story. I was maybe 20 or 21 and living in my first real apartment, on my own. Working the alcoholic shift (3 to midnight) at a private club would permit me to be at my neighborhood bar well before 12:30. Slamming two double tequila sunrises and a shot of tequila as soon as I walked in the door helped me catch up to those who had been there for a bit. We would drink until the sun came up, then the bartender would drive our drunk asses home. A few times I was wide awake and would start flipping through the channels instead of passing the hell out. One night I stopped flipping channels to watch the most amazing advertisement for automobile touch up paint. This stuff was magic in a bottle! Big or little scratches vanished and the car didn’t look like it had been dinged, nicked or scratched at all. The product was so incredible that I can’t even remember what the “BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE” special was. All I knew was that paint was magic and I had to have it. So I called the toll free number.
Them: “Thank you for calling! May I take your order?!”
Me: “I absssolootley wanna placccccce an order. Yep.”
Them: “How many bottles would you like this morning.”
Me: “Mmmmmm. One. Yeah, that ssssshhhould be nuff.”
Them: “One it is. What color would you like to order this morning?”
Me: “Quit saying mornin. Shhhhhhhhhhhh.”
Them: “I’m sorry?”
Me: “Don’t be sorry, just quit frikken sayin mornin. I don’t wanna reminder.”
Them: “Ummmmm, ok. So. Ummm. Which color should I put you down for?”
Me: “…”
Them: “Ma’am? We need to know which color you would like us to send.”
Me: “Sheesh, what colors do you have?”
Them: “Just about anything you need. What color is your car?”
Me: “Oh. I don’t have a car. What color do you think I should buy?”
Them: “…”
Don’t you know those fuckers wouldn’t sell me car touch up paint? Who knew?
P.S. In case you were wondering what the song was that bounced around in my head all night, here is my mojito song…
Wanted to stop in here and let you all know that I had a great time at the concert last night. I am alive and not in nearly as much pain as I would like to be in. Usually the Buffett concerts find me a lot more intoxicated than I was yesterday. No hangover today. Which means I didn’t drink enough. Great fun, just not as drunk as usual. I must be getting old.
I mean, I only licked temporary tattoos onto three people. And only one woman licked my nipple.
I found a really cool program on the Food Network that doesn’t tell me to turn on that big boxy thing that sometimes burns my leftover pizza in the kitchen. “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives” is a wonderful show hosted by my new boyfriend, Guy Fieri. Normally I am partial to dark haired guys and really don’t like the bleached hair, but for Guy? I would SO make an exception. *swoon* The man gets so into the food that he is tasting that it doesn’t matter if he is eating pancakes or pork chops, he enjoys it. Moaning a bit, saying he needs a moment alone, absolutely savoring and enjoying every mouthful. When I watch him eat a new dish, all I can think of is how fun he would be in bed. Gotta love a passionate, vocal guy.
Mmmmmmm, mmmmmmmmmm, mmmmm!
Hehe, I just found a list of some of the crap he says on TV…
* I could put this on a flip-flop and it would taste good.
* Holy-moley, Stromboli!
* The sauce is money.
* Holy clam, Batman!
* Egg-foo fun!
* Hot tub in Flavor Town.
* Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
* I need a nap and a hose
* I’m driving the bus to Flavor Town.
* That burger is in it to win it.
* I could put down six or fifteen of these.
* Thanksgiving in a bowl.
* ‘Cuz the 95 Habanero peppers in there don’t count. (in reference to a spicy chili)
* That’s bodacious.
* That’s an angry burger.
* Aces are wild; pick a cheddar. (fanning out a “deck” of cheese slices)
* I cut those onions so thin, they only have one side.
* Like talking in the middle of an opera — can’t you hear it singing?
* You can’t knock the wurst.
* I’ve never taken my smoked fish for a walk before. (moving fish from a smoker to the oven)
* It’s like liquid Life Saver! (doing a soda syrup “shooter”)
* I can get that by the bucket.
* That’s Holy Hash.
* I’m getting a fried freak-on.
* That’s a hot Frisbee of fun.
* You could convert non-breakfasters. (Is “non-breakfasters” a word?)
* I’ve got so much in my mouth I can’t tell you how good it is.
* Give me a stool and a bib.
* I wanna be the ambassador to Chimichanga Flavor Town.
* This is bananas, and bananas is good.
* Do you have a garden hose; something I can clean up with?
* Dude, I’ve been stricken by chicken!
* Wrong day to wear flip-flops. (stirring a vat of noodles)
* There’s a lot of fun on the bun.
* I didn’t say “no way,” so you can’t say “yes way!”
* I wanna go home, I want my mom.
* This could be the only thing on the menu and I’d move here.
My favorite movieEVER has been made into a computer game. Yet I am not into gaming! Uggggh, what is a girl to do? If I buy the game and start playing, you know I will never again leave the house, right? (Hell, it is probably a gateway game to harder games the way marijuana is labeled a gateway drug to the bad stuff.)
Ok, so it isn’t Guitar Hero. Or any of the other popular games these days. It does, however, have allure for…gulp…this girl. (Sometimes it surprises me when I have such feminine longings. I mean it is about a princess for crying out loud. “Inconceivable!” hehe.)
But how can I possibly be expected to escape the calling of Tru Wuv…
“Help the Princess and her True Love manage life on the farm, defeat dastardly villains, survive the Fire Swamp, concoct miracle remedies, and vanquish the evil prince in order to live happily ever after. Along the way you play as and interact with a cast of your favorite characters including Buttercup, Westley, Inigo, Fezzik, Vizzini and Miracle Max.”
“Compete for high scores and advance through dozens of levels that are simple to start, addictive to play and challenging to master. Enjoy casual and narrative play modes with 5 games in 1 download!
* Episode 1 – As You WishTime / Click Management
* Episode 2 – Battle of WitsInconceivable Trivia Challenge
* Episode 3 – The Fire SwampTeamwork Puzzle Platformer
* Episode 4 – Miracle MaxHidden Objects & Potion Mixing
* Episode 5 – Storming the CastleCollect & Assemble Inventory”
That battle of wits part had better mention never getting involved in a land war in Asia. And there had better be fun storming the castle. Sigh. If you never hear from me again, I might have purchased it.
Although I am trying VERY hard not to.
Perhaps I will just go watch the movie instead…
Westley: Hear this now: I will always come for you.
Buttercup: But how can you be sure?
Westley: This is true love – you think this happens every day?
I love movies. Something so special about going to the theater, sitting in the dark with a group of strangers and all experiencing the same thing at the same time. Knowing that it wasn’t really all that long ago that movies didn’t even exist or didn’t even have sound, I truly appreciate the technology that allows such amazing images and sounds to entertain me, to fully immerse me in the story being presented. I love the escapism that movies offer.
Unfortunately I don’t go to nearly as many movies as I would like. And watching them at home just isn’t the same. Don’t get me wrong, I pay the cable company for just about every movie channel they have to offer, but I definitely prefer actually going to the theater. Last movie I saw out was the latest Indy. Before that was Iron Man. And I can’t even remember what was before that…too long ago.
So this weekend I decided that I would without a doubt get my butt to the movies. I am torn between going on Saturday to avoid the heat and enjoy their air conditioning or going on Sunday to get outta the rain. Guess I will see who is free to join me and what works for them.
And of course, it will also depend on fighting over which movie. I am feeling the need to look at my Rock, which means Get Smart. Even if he isn’t the headliner in a movie, I will gladly see anything he is a part of. *swoon*
I had to work late tonight. Again. Just too far behind and playing catchup is no fun. Add to that training new employees for the bulk of this week will be keeping me from my every day stuff. While I am accustomed to running late, and I am always late for everything, I will never get accustomed to ignoring tasks or blowing work off, so I kind of find myself frustrated a bunch recently.
Great news is that part of the reason I am gonna be a basket case this week is because, as I mentioned, I am doing some training for new employees. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd, one of those employees is there to help me! YAY!! She is intelligent and funny and pretty and hardworking and did I mention intelligent? Wahooooooo for a wonderful woman with a good head on her shoulders!
Best part is I already know her. She worked with a friend for quite a long time so I have known her for a while, which is how we found ourselves on the same bowling team. Yep, she would be Dang, of our Tuesday night Wing Dang Doodle. She’s a good egg and I am thrilled that she will be working with me. Hope I can cram my nine and a half years of working with the company into her head without scaring her off.
Tonight, when I eventually got home, without even looking outside I whipped the sliding glass door open so the pups could finally escape from their day of confinement. I was too busy rushing around, grabbing a load of laundry to get started, going through the mail, blah, blah, blah. As I went to let the dogs in I noticed that they were not by the door as they normally would be. Instead they were out watching, and in Ludo’s case chasing, lightning bugs. The bugs were everywhere, all about happy to light up my yard. At 50 I stopped counting. So I stood outside like a fool for almost a half an hour, just watching those little lights flash about my yard, giving me my own personal fireworks display. Life is good.
P.S. When I headed over to Wikipedia to find the link to fireflies I learned something new. Turns out they are the State Insect of Pennsylvania. Not sure why, but that cracks me the hell up.
Damn, I missed a HNT. Sorry that Thursday got away from me. I promise a Nalf Nekkid Thursday post next week that will be worth the wait. Seriously. (I have the photos on my camera, because I finally found the battery charger and the camera at the same time. Yay! Now all I gotta do is figure out how to get them off the camera and onto the lappytop.)
The conference is officially over so now I crashing with Britt til Sunday. Today I checked out of the stunning condo and went to Adam’s for lunch with him and Britt. They totally made fun of me for bringing enough luggage that I could stay a month if necessary, let me poke around in Adam’s awesome office, then took me to a cute little place for lunch. (Thanks for buying, Adam!)
Britt was obviously not feeling well. Once lunch was finished, she started a steady decline. Damn fevers are no fun…I felt so bad for her being sick. Amazing that she is still so pretty, even on death’s door. (Good thing is the mercury poisoning that I tried to off her with didn’t work. AND it lead us to meeting the smoking hot chef. Who is so the man whore. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm!)
Although Britt was miserable this evening, I had a great night and I am now totally in love with Britt’s kids. Knowing that she wasn’t feeling well they tried to steer clear of her, which was the perfect in for me! HA! We sent Britt to bed and I got to watching a mopvie with the kids. Emma was a snuggle bunny and I totally expected that. Loved it, but wasn’t surprised. What totally caught me off guard, in a terrific way, was when Devin came over and snuggled against me. And started to fall asleep on my boob! Those of you reading me around the TequilaCon adventure will remember that Britt totally passed out and used my left breast as a pillow. Seems her darling son prefers the right, though.
I am looking forward to a low key Friday. Britt probably thinks I need to be entertained or something because so much of my life is “ON” and balls to the wall, but honestly, I love to just be. When I am with people I enjoy, it doesn’t take much at all to make me happy. Relaxing is a beautiful thing. If only I could convince this cat that my bed is my bed and to back off…can’t she see that I am a dog person??
EDITED TO ADD: Happy, happy birthday to one of the most interesting women I know, Britt’s Mom. I am so incredibly thankful that you were born! Hope your day is spectacular because you deserve great things. Much love to you.
Damn, was bowling fun last night. Our league rotates who you bowl with and last night we finally had the chance to bowl with the hot guy. The one and only hot guy in the entire league. Dude is smokin hot: nice face, a little taller than me, just enough muscles, an incredibly tight ass, skinny ankles, a beautiful bald head and a goatee. YUM!
My team tends to be on the silly side because we suck at bowling, yet want to have fun. The girls and I shimmy shake our boobies when we get a strike or spare, we slap each other’s asses as though we were on a football field, we holler at any decent ball thrown. Wholesome, honest fun.
Last night we drew hot guy (let’s just call him Bert, k?) into our insanity. Early into the first game high fives were exchanged. Just a bit later he was letting me spank that awesome ass. Nice. Best part? He seriously considered Take Your Pants Off Tuesday. Bad news is I will be out of town for the next two Tuesdays. Hope he doesn’t forget me by the time I finally get back to bowling. Because I am enjoying time in the gutters with him.
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This fine rainy day is a hockey day in Pittsburgh and I couldn’t be more excited! Seeing as how we lost Saturday while I was there, I am staying far away from the Arena tonight. Please send all your good sporting karma towards my Pens tonight.
(This gentleman is phenomanal. LOVE him.)
(This is so my new favorite photo of me. Not sure why.)
(That’s our DVD in all of his glory.)
(Donnie and Pooper bonded instantly)
(That is Donnie Van Donnie)
After the sad, sad, sad loss (sure I could have said devastating, but didn’t want to. shhh.) Donnie and I headed to my local beer emporium. Great place to drown sorrows.
(My beer is a baby beer compared to Donnie’s.)
Especially when it is a shirtless Saturday…
(There were more of these photos, but I have not yet received them.)
(Look at the guns holding up that gloriously large bottle. Love to watch that man work. Mmmm, mmm, mmmm!)
