Hi. You probably know me as hellohahanarf from my years of commenting around the world wide internetz, yet never having a blog. Well my friends, that has changed. Welcome to MY site.
I have so much to share and yet absolutely nothing to to talk about. A while ago an ugly internet situation (which didn’t even involve me) reinforced how much this community of “friends” can turn on you if you make a mistake and people don’t agree with how you handle the aftermath. The power of the written word is mighty. I watched in horror as folks took to anonymity in order to slam and talk about a few others, saying dreadful things which didn’t even pertain to the original situation, all from the safety of behind their keyboard.
Most seemed to think that because two people blog and share lots that somehow they MUST share everything. It was as though because someone chooses to share about lots of good things and a few flaws that somehow they were expected to share every flaw…in detail. So many people not only expected it, but actually demanded it.
It wasn’t the first time I saw it happen. The first time crushed my heart and made me doubt that I would ever blog again. I wailed online about the injustice, the name calling, the bullshit of it all. This time? This time still broke my heart, but it also took a lot of wind out of my sails. More than I realized, it crushed my spirit.
So I guess I mentioned that situation and how it made me feel in some sort of way to explain why Midnight Cliff has been on the silent side. But yes, I am alive and actually quite happy. In the past month that I haven’t posted here I’ve been to a Bags, Bellinis and Brunch fundraiser where I bought a new license plate purse from Little Earth, I’ve had the pleasure of spending time with Coal Miner’s Granddaughter and Copasetic Beth, I’ve been enjoying the Penguins playoff series, I’ve had a trip to Nashville canceled as a result of the terrible flooding, I’ve had the pleasure of being gifted with a VIP ticket to the Wine Festival where I consumed wine with a price tag of over $600 per bottle, I’ve attended my favorite trade show and partied with some tremendous people, I’ve laughed so hard at Benihana that my sides hurt, I’ve enjoyed the 90th birthday party for my dear great aunt, I’ve had hot dates, I’ve spent incredible time outside with the dogs, I’ve dined with fellow bloggers, I’ve had followup testing to confirm that February’s surgery healed properly, I’ve started planning my 40th birthday adventure to Alaska for next summer, I’ve enjoyed the Kentucky Derby, I’ve booked a cooking class, I’ve been thrilled to hear that a friend was invited to speak at BlogHer, I’ve started planning my next adventure in Kentucky, I’ve had heartache, I’ve had questions, I’ve celebrated Cinco de Mayo, I’ve dreaded Mother’s Day, I’ve searched for contractors to put a new roof on my house and to rebuild my falling down fence, I’ve enjoyed time with family and friends, I’ve accomplished lots at work, I’ve considered painting my house, I’ve welcomed spring as over 50 robins worm hunting signaled it FINALLY arrived, I’ve dined on gourmet food, I’ve been involved with planning committee meetings for a fun raising golf outing and I’ve done lots more.
But none of it seems to make me want to write about it. There are some fun stories in those things that I’ve done in the past month. Twitter has given me an outlet to share some of it, but I just don’t feel like sharing here. Maybe because I know that no matter how positive I am and no matter how I try to do the right things, well, maybe someday the Internet will demand more from me than I want to give. Maybe the Internet will find some mistake I made and not agree with how I choose to handle it so they will decide to pick up their torches and pitchforks instead of just talking to me about it so that we can work through it.
I know I’m rambling, which is kind of funny for a post where I tell you I have no desire to write. Not sure what to do about that. Guess basically I’ll wrap up with this: I’m happy and healthy, enjoying life, but have zero writing mojo.
Hope it returns. I do still love this little blog.
If you follow me on Twitter you know that Monday night I took the dogs for a walk. Well, actually I took the German Shepherd for a long walk as his vet says his hips need the exercise, then I went back to the house and swapped Ludo out for Reilly as his beautiful little self loves to explore. After that, when I knew the novelty had worn off, I went back to the house and got Lou again so that all three of us could get out together. It was wonderful. And I learned a few things on this little adventure.
First, if I ever want to pick up men, just take the German dog with me. Not sure what it is, but damn, guys love a shepherd.
Second, not only am I out of shape, but so are both of my boys. Sheesh! All three of us were panting by the time we made it home. That photo up there is of them collapsed after our adventure.
Third, Pittsburgh is damn hilly. Ok, I totally knew that one already, but did I mention the heavy breathing? Yeah, there sure as shit was a reason. After the flood in 2004 that forced me to move and get new shit I looked for a place that wasn’t in any valley or near a creek (pronounced “crick”) and lemme tell you people, I fucking succeeded. If water rises enough to get me at the top of this hill, ya better have an ark.
Fourth, Finn also doesn’t like the phrase “you people” and it now makes me smile to sneak it in places. Like in that last paragraph. You should see the smile on my face. (Sorry, pretty lady!)
Fifth, the not quite all there/mentally disturbed guy that I was so happy to Tweet about the other day is friendlier than I imagined. While he smiles and waves when I do as I drive by, I have also seen him yelling at cars as he sits on the curb and smokes hand rolled cigarette after cigarette. Ludo and I walked up that far so I smiled and nodded hello as we approached. He smiled back. I stepped off the curb so as to not shove a German Shepherd in his face, but he held out his hand while still seated and asked if he could pet the dog. “Sure. Lou, be good, be nice. And behave, dammit!”
Dog made me proud, even extending a friendly lick hello. The guy remained seated, still smoking an unlit, half gone cigarette and complimented Lou’s behavior. Then he reached into one of the several bags beside him and pulled out something small which he held out to me. Looking down into his kind eyes I took the offering. It was a medallion, not even an inch long, made of a thin silver material and stamped “Italy” on the back with Mary on the front. I believe in Jesus and basic Christian principles, but I never could get into the whole pray to Mary thing…I talk to God, thanks. Regardless, I smiled and commented on it being Italian.
The guy was really nice, didn’t try to preach to me, didn’t ask anything of me, just gave me the small medallion and said that he hopes it brings me miracles. I went on my way with a little extra bounce in my step because some strange man wishes miracles for me. So I guess I am saying I also learned that strangers still can happily surprise me.
My Mom used to save all kinds of stuff to give to me when we would get together again. Maybe magazine articles, feathers she found, little items she picked up in her travels, etc. Didn’t matter what the pile contained, Mom called it her A Drive. When we would get together the first thing she had to do was “dump her a drive” and give me everything, telling me about each item. It usually drove me nuts because there was fun to be had and dammit she was slowing us down. Now? Wellllll, I miss it desperately. Which, of course, means that I am now picking up where she left off…prepare to be dumped upon…
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The other day the fantastic Heather (Coal Miner’s Granddaughter) wrote a post about breast milk cheese and cooking with breast milk. Human breast milk. I kind of surprised myself when I realized that I wasn’t all that grossed out at the concept. Not really grossed out at all, actually.
So while washing the dishes (I don’t have a dishwasher, I *am* the dishwasher) my mind started off on its own. That is usually a dangerous thing, but I tend to do some of my best thinking while doing dishes or showering. Maybe it is the water, maybe it’s the solitude with no tv or music. Ount know. Point is I started thinking of stuff that grosses me out. The highest on the list? Someone else using my toothbrush or me using theirs. BLECH! Even if I were on Survivor and the gorgeous Colby Donaldson offered to share I would have to turn him down. I’d rather use a branch and gnaw on that for a bit than share a toothbrush. Just can’t handle the idea. (Although Colby, if you are reading, I’d fuck you even without the toothbrush…call me.)
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I read about a guy who is going to be in the hospital for a long time and how his friends are trying to get him lots of mail. Immediately I grabbed a card and had coworkers sign it, addressed it and dropped it in the mail. Over the coming weeks I plan on sending this dude all kinds of silly stuff. You should consider it, too. Read about it HERE.
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On a totally different note, soon I will be on a plane to drink myself into a gutter for the HHD (High Holy Day = St. Patrick’s Day). My early AM flight will have me hearing the crack of dawn the morning of the 17th, but I plan to sleep the whole way to Alabama. The completely awesome Kim (from Live at the 205) will pick me up at the airport and then Birmingham should just look out because we might drink our faces off. The next day, once we find our faces, we shall drive south to Florida. I’m really looking forward to the getaway. She is truly an amazing woman and rumor has it other bloggers will also be joining us. Should be terrific. BUT, I’m not taking my laptop so who knows if I will be able to post. Sure, she is bringing hers, and it is a coveted Apple(!), but since I don’t know how to work it you might not hear from me for a few days.
Also, I can’t find my bathing suit so please send names of nude beaches.
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So, my friend Earl posted a video that cracked me up. Seems his friend made it. They want others to see and enjoy. So here ya go:
And if you have a blog, maybe consider posting it?
So the other day, on my beloved cousin’s birthday, I happened to mention finding a photo of her in which her hair was all WOW. But instead of saying her hair was all WOW and oh my fuck, I wish I could rock that, perhaps I said something in the comments like it was all “Edward the vampire” and totally adorable. Regardless, Janie was oh so not impressed.
Let’s not fight with her over the validity of the Twilight books and movies. Instead, let’s discuss whether or not she was 20 years ahead of Edward’s hairstylist:
(Yes, that is Janie on the far right. Be nice, she is my cousin and friend. I’ve been known to throw punches in her honor. (She doesn’t know about them. Shhhh.) Also? How could you not be nice to a crazy teenager in the 80’s? She is damn cute! (Fuck. She probably hates the word “cute” and yet I’ve been drinking so FUCK IT, I’m hitting publish, even with all of the commas and parenthesis, even without a proofread. COZ I CAN! God bless America. And the Internet.)
Tuesday after work I went on a photo hunt. Through OLD albums. See, a wonderful invisible internet friend, Kristy, started a fun little site called Promtacular! and she’s eagerly accepting everyone’s prom pictures. Of course I found a massive amount of non-prom pictures, but only two that were taken on prom night and neither is with my actual date. (So yeah, sorry that you have to wait a little longer, Kristy. I’ll find em, dammit.) Regardless, if you have those fantastic prom pictures that you wanna share with the internet, please upload them to the site. Also? Check out Promtacular! (Some funny stuff.)
But back to me. I started thinking about high school and all the angst, drama and hormones. Even dealing with it all I remember being a fairly happy individual. Sure there were days that the parents did something parental that I didn’t agree with (translation: I didn’t get my way) and I cried as though I lost my favorite puppy, but for the most part my days were filled with happiness. Going through those photos a piece of paper slipped out. I am pretty sure Zwehla wrote the wonderful little poem out for me, but it might have been Lia. (Let’s be honest, I have killed *many* a brain cell over the years and does it really matter who did the scribing?) There is no name written down on the paper so I have no clue who the actual author is.
Somehow I have managed to keep this well over 20 years. The paper isn’t as white as it used to be, but I love it all the same. Hope you enjoy…
Have you made someone happy
Or made someone sad
What have you done with the day that you had?
God gave it to you
To do what you would
Did you do what was wicked
Or do something good?
Did you hand out a smile
Or just give a frown
Did you lift someone up
Or push someone down?
Did you lighten some load
Or some progress impede
Did you look for a rose
Or just gather a weed?
What did you do with your Beautiful day
God gave it to you
Did you throw it away?
The words came rushing back and I practically spoke them out loud from memory, yet I was reading a paper I haven’t seen in years. And tonight that simple little scrap of paper made me smile knowing that even in high school I was trying to look for the good in the situation. I don’t always succeed, but yay for reminding myself to lift someone up instead of pushing them down.
Happy Wednesday, internet. Hope your day is tremendous.
A friend wanted to go to the museum and I was oh so excited to join her. LOVE This town’s museums. Pittsburgh is truly blessed to have had Andrew Carnegie love this place enough to present to us quality museums. His gifts to the city bring me great joy. (Say “great joy” out loud. Does it make you smile the way I do EVERY time I say it?)
This trip was a quick one, though. The gold medal hockey game started at three so we picked the top “must sees” and wasted no time getting to them. (I know, I know…it was like picking your favorite child or meal: damn difficult.) We saw the “new” dinosaurs, the whale exhibit from New Zealand, the Egypt exhibit, the birds, the North American mammals, the Hall of Sculptures and the Hall of Architecture and Casts. I’ll have more photos later, but I wanted to show you something.
Yes, I went to the museum and what am I sharing with you? A photo of my red hair that no one believes is redder than before. You have to be able to see it in that photo, right?
And yes, I was totally horizontal on the floor of the Hall of Sculpture. The ceiling is cool and I was trying to get a decent photo. Finn would have walked away with spectacular images. Me? I failed. Exhibit A:
Failure Exhibit B:
All the photographers of the world breathe a sigh of relief that I am not out to take their jobs. Yeah, I know I suck, but at least I have fun with it. Like laying on my belly and taking this shot:
Photo might not be great, but damn did I enjoy taking all of these from the floor, even if my friends did think I was crazy, laying there and taking pictures of myself. And perhaps giggling a bit.
Rumor has it that Pittsburgh isn’t done with winter. Phil was correct in his shadow prediction, the calendar is right and winter is planning to throw some more snow and brrrrrr chilly wind gusts at us. And I’m cool with that. I mean, it isn’t even St. Patrick’s Day (all bow your heads for a second in appreciation of the High Holy Day) yet. Sure, we aren’t really dug out from the last snow, but fuck it, let’s add a bit more to the winter most of us will never forget.
Although the awesome guy who colors my hair (I call him the Hedge) told me the Farmer’s Almanac says we are going to get one hell of a storm around the 6th or 7th of March…more snow than we have ever seen. As I was driving home tonight I started thinking about the Almanac. It is something I never read so maybe this is a simple answer, but is it geographical or just for the entire country? I mean, maybe that huge snow is gonna be in Montana or Maine or something. Ount know. Regardless, I have the Sam’s Club toilet paper bundle so I’ll be safe if I get snowed in for a few days. And really, who can’t use another day off from work?
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On a totally different note, I COOKED THE OTHER DAY! Go me!
Saturday K forced me to join her in the adventure that is the new Market District grocery store out at Settler’s Ridge. I’m not a fan of the joint. Put all the fucking crackers together, quit having them in three locations so I have to go through your stupid store several times. Assholes.
As I was saying, we were at the grocery store and I just got this crazy idea that I would use my crock pot thingie. After the brand new, still in the box crock pot was ruined in the flood of 2004 that took most of my shit I made sure to buy another one. Five years later and that bitch was still in her box, sitting in the basement. Well dammit, I was about to change that. Yes, the woman who doesn’t cook at all was going to feed herself something other than chips and salsa with Kraft American cheese slices. Whooooooooooo!
I had no idea how to buy a roast to K picked one out. She also had to pick out the potatoes and the garlic. Seriously, I live under a rock. Thankfully the Chinese guy and the Italian guy know how to deliver food to me. How did I not starve before now?
So last night I threw more carrots and onions than a one pound roast could possibly need into the crock pot. A few garlic cloves and some leftover garlic pesto dressing from Mad Mex went in as well, along with a bunch of potatoes and some broth. All spice and pepper. Cook on low overnight.
Except I woke up at 2 AM ravenously hungry. Now I know why people cook that shit when they are at work. Damn! Good news is I survived and packed it up for lunch. My coworkers all ohhhhh’d and ahhhhhhhhhh’d over the fact that I cooked. All around fun.
So my first attempt at cooking red meat was ok. Next time will involve more seasonings, but I was afraid to be heavy handed. Actually, next time will probably involve chicken since I actually like chicken, but still, I am all about happy with me and my crock pot adventure.
Please note that this post would have had a photo, but when I accidentally sent it to TwitPic instead of myself a few people thought a carrot looked like a penis so I pulled it from this post.
Oh hell, who am I kidding? If I read a blog who pulled a photo I would ask for it. So here ya are:
This daughter of a teacher turned nurse and her k-9 cop husband wasn’t brought up with a lot of money, but we were happy so I never coveted material things. I don’t make a lot of money and I am ok with that. As a single woman I have my own home that I share with two of the world’s most loving and kind dogs, a SUV that goes in the snow (and two cars that I don’t run at all) and a job that has kept me happy for a little over 11 years now.
That being said, I do love nice things. So I’ll save when there is something large I desire to acquire or a trip I want to take. I’ll do without some stuff in order to secure other things. Credit cards were cut up back when I was in my 20’s so I am not tempted to over indulge on fun stuff. (And we all know how much I *love* the fun stuff!)
But here’s the thing…in between when I splurge, I love tricking myself into thinking I am spoiling me, even when really am not. Thursday I went grocery shopping at lunch and picked up something I don’t think I have ever purchased before. While I really like cucumbers in salads, I don’t make salad at home so I never really had a need to buy cucumbers. So why now? To slice and float in water, like they do in the fancy spas.
Oh yeah bitches, my home is now a spa.
Well, in my head it is. I loved the way I felt in Cabo San Lucas after my massage when I sat in the spa, sipping cool cucumber water. Sitting on my couch with a huge cold glass of the slightly flavored water makes me feel indulgent, when it literally cost pennies to have the feeling of the high life. (Lots of folks ask me how I can almost always be happy. Some people think I am fooling myself, pretending to be someone I am not. Personally, I feel like I just choose to enjoy the little “good things” in life instead of concentrating on the stuff that I don’t have.)
Happy Monday. Now go find the little things that make you feel like you have all the money you could ever want or need, even while you live on a budget. And tell me about them…
Yeah, I don’t get the “FML” folks who want to seriously complain about their lives. Life is just too short and too precious to harp on the negative. Life is truly comical. And there is all kinds of sun stuff around you, you just need to know where to look.
I haven’t posted in entirely too long and what brings me out of hibernation? Meeting a porn star’s husband. No shit. Well, that is not entirely why I am here posting. I’m avoiding running the suck machine and putting away the clean laundry I did. Those always send me searching for better stuff to do.
Today at lunch a coworker and I ran errands together. A stop at the grocery store and me joking with the produce guy had her making fun of me for talking to anyone and saying trips with me were never boring. Then the same coworker and I hit the hotel bar close to work for happy hour. (Dude, $3 glasses of chardonnay certainly make my hour happy. Wheeeeeeeee!)
Anyhow, we were laughing and having a great time. An attractive regular bought us each a drink and we WAHOO’d as though it were a $14 cocktail (he’s bought me plenty of those over the years, too…great guy). As we were preparing to leave we struck up a conversation with the adorable guy at the end of the bar who had been on his lappytop the entire time.
Turns out his wife is a porn sta (her site HERE, their reality site is still in development), in town filming a few things. He races motorcross and we got to talking about the sex industry, sports and websites. Cool conversation with a really nice guy. I gave him my blog business card with my ass on the back. Seemed fitting.
Whole point of this post is to say that I really enjoyed talking to the produce guy for a brief moment (the smile on his face was priceless) and the motorcross racing husband of a porn star, each for different reasons. They both made me smile. They both made me laugh.
I haven’t written anything over here in close to a month. There are a variety of reasons why I haven’t written…too busy running around enjoying the fall, having nothing blog worthy to say, being named in a lawsuit that specifically references this little site of mine, just being lazy, etc.
ANYhow, I don’t even really know where to start these days. Just don’t know what to write about. I could tell you that I am too lazy to get out and rake my yard, but that photo above proves that point. I could recap my adventures in Florida when I stayed with Britt’s family and attended Adam’s party, but so many others gave much better recaps. I could tell you about my trip to Columbus the few days before I left for Florida, but it already seems like forever ago and most of what I find funny would get lost in the writing. I could tell you how Twitter is sucking the blogger from me, but most of you know the feeling.
WAIT! I know what I can tell you. The night I got back from Florida my neighbor told me there was a reporter snooping around my house, wanting to interview me for a story. Something about my Mom’s work with the Clean Water and Clean Air initiatives. Fortunately my (very hot) neighbor told the reporter that I probably wouldn’t be interested and that he shouldn’t be digging up painful memories since I’m still struggling with Mom’s death even three and a half years later. (I love my neighbor!)
I called the reporter, who left several business cards shoved in my door and in my mailbox, only to get voice mail. (insert happy girl wiggle here) A day later the reporter called back and left me a voice mail message saying that his story on air pollutants needed someone who had lost a loved one due to the environment and everyone he talked to told him that he should talk to me. Seems lots of folks that knew Mom and worked with her suggested he contact me.
Only problem is that I don’t feel that breast cancer is a direct result of air pollutants. And I don’t think that Mom’s decision not to take one of the meds (Tamoxifen) that could have kept the cancer from returning (to her brain, bones and lungs) was a result of the air. Or water.
Regardless, even if I did, I ain’t strong enough to be speaking on camera about my Mom’s death.
