Gimme the Ticket
Ξ October 27th, 2008 | → 12 Comments | ∇ humor, mom |
Today my cousin Sarah and I had lunch with our cousin Twinkle Twat. It was a treat to dine with her made even better because her almost three your old son was with us. Bravo was a great choice because of their crayons and paper on the table, plus the waitress was smart enough to bring pizza dough for Aidan to play with. Delicious meal that ended all too early.
We decided to not end the party after lunch, instead heading to Soergel’s in order for Aidan to pick his own pumpkin. Their fall festival is wonderful and has everything from pony rides to a giant bouncy castle to underground slides to hay mazes to tractor drawn hay rides. And more. We had an excellent afternoon, but I wanted to get back in order to watch the 4 PM Steelers game.
Driving back in the perfect fall day (62 degrees and sunny), Sarah and I were chatting away when I considered exceeding the speed limit to pass a slow car. As I started to move into the left lane I caught sight of a state trooper on the left side of the highway, sort of behind some bushes. Instead of passing I drifted the few feet back into the right lane. Too late, he pulled out and eventually caught up to my vehicle, then kept going in the left lane. Got way up ahead of me so we thought he was going after someone who was speeding until we saw him pull off to the left and stop on the shoulder. WTF? We passed the trooper again and eventually he pulled back out, caught up, dropped in behind me and turned on his lights. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Immediately I flipped on a turn signal and pulled onto the right shoulder. The 30 something trooper approached the passenger side as I was reaching across a very pregnant Sarah while rooting in the glove box for my registration. He smiled and started the conversation by saying that he didn’t like the part of his job where he had to be mean. In all honestly I told him that I knew he wasn’t being mean, that my dad was a cop, as was Sarah’s dad, and I appreciated that he was just doing his job. He asked where our dads worked so we both said they each retired from the City of Pittsburgh. Seems my registration was up at the end of August, it is now the end of October, and Mr. I Don’t Wanna Be Mean had already ran my plate so he had to give me a ticket. I nodded in understanding which seemed to encourage Mr. Kindness. He told me to plead not guilty and go to the hearing where he will show up to do his best to persuade the magistrate to find me not guilty because he tries to take care of his brothers’ families. Then he went back to the patrol car to write the ticket. Without even saying a word about me not wearing a seat belt!
Sarah and I were talking and looking at baby stuff she had in her lap, kind of laughing and hoping that he didn’t notice my inspection sticker had also expired. (Yep, I was one hell of a moving violation today. Uggggggggggh. Note to self: register and inspect the damn SUV!) We had barely been alone, maybe less than two minutes, when the cop was back in the window. Kind of scared us that he was back so quickly. Seems he decided against writing the ticket. Didn’t want the trouble. Wha??!?!!! “No, that’s ok. I don’t want you to get in trouble. Just write the ticket.”
He refused. Again I told him that since he ran my plates the powers that be know he pulled me over so he should just write me a ticket. (And fucking quickly, the Steelers game was about to start and I didn’t want to have to speed the fuck home!) Yet he let me go.
On one hand I am grateful because I don’t have massive tickets to pay, yet on the other hand I don’t think preferential treatment should be given to other cops, let alone the families of other cops. BUT, all of that was not what this post was to be about. Nope. All of that reminded me of a story that still cracks me up.
About 18 or 19 years ago my Mom and Dad had separated. It would be an understatement to say that the separation and impending divorce was not friendly. One particularly bad day Mom was speeding while driving right past a city cop. She was overwhelmed and as he stepped to her window. Mom pretty much burst into tears and tried talking her way out of the ticket. She even mentioned being married to a cop. This guy wanted none of it, just her license and registration. He went back to his car, returning with the completed ticket for Mom to sign. As she handed him back the pen she sobbed, “Great! Now I have been fucked by two cops!!”
hehe
Happy Monday.
on October 27th, 2008 at 12:37 AM
I love that story about your mom! What a woman!
Also glad you got out of your ticket. Karma really works sometimes!
on October 27th, 2008 at 8:46 AM
Wait a minute – why weren’t you wearing your seat belt?!?!??!?!
on October 27th, 2008 at 11:02 AM
NO SEAT BELT?!
on October 27th, 2008 at 11:04 AM
Hehe. I so can see your momma doing that.
on October 27th, 2008 at 2:23 PM
Hahahaha, I HATE HATE HATE when that cop does that little pull out RIGHT after you pass him. I get the heeby jeebies every time… well, even if they’re not after me. le sigh.
I did however get one ticket just 6 mos ago when I got my new car. I was speeding my way into work (because I left late, As usual) and one of the cops little buddies clocked me, and then sent it to his friend ahead, whom pulled me over… he came up to my window, yada yada yada, gave me the ticket of going 10 over, then told me the same thing – go to the court house, tell them this and that and since you have no other violations or tickets, they’ll probably not put it on your record, yada yada yada… so I did, it worked, but since I’m from Wisconsin and got the ticket in Minnesota something else had to be done, I had to get something, and apparently I couldn’t/didn’t/was to lazy, so I just paid the damn ticket and risked it going on my insurance…
Anyways, yes, hate when cops pull out and get right on your ass… JUST PULL ME OVER DAMNIT!
And funny about your mom… Hahaha, I like that…!
And wear your seatbelt!!!
Sorry for the long ass comment.
on October 27th, 2008 at 4:03 PM
*snicker* Miss Moving Violation. The things you girls get away with. ; )
on October 27th, 2008 at 5:40 PM
Your mother is hilarious.
You actually told him to write you the ticket? Good lord, woman, take the warning and run!
on October 27th, 2008 at 10:36 PM
hehehehehehe
thats funny right there!
on October 27th, 2008 at 10:59 PM
I can’t believe you told him to go ahead and give you the ticket??!! Are you kidding me?
on October 27th, 2008 at 11:15 PM
sybil -
mom was a hoot. she would have loved you!
britt -
i never do. hate seat belts. (p.s. your boyfriend barack was here in the burgh today.)
finn -
nope. but my cousin wore one!
sarah -
hearing her tell the story was a fucking riot. i can still hear her laughter through tears.
krystle -
you are welcome to write long comments any time you want!
john -
i was wearing a sweatshirt and jeans, plus i didn’t even offer to blow him or anything disgusting. not that blow jobs are disgusting, but using one to get out of a ticket is!
courtney -
mom really was a funny lady. great sense of humor and incredible, free flowing laugh.
yeah, i should not really have kept saying “please” just write the ticket. hehe
sage -
xoxo
faiqa -
not the brightest bulb sometimes. yet even steppin in shit i can usually come out smelling like a flower. i’ve been told i have a four leaf clover shoved up my ass. you are welcome for that image.
on October 28th, 2008 at 8:45 AM
WEAR.YOUR.SEATBELT!
on April 8th, 2009 at 12:05 AM
[...] if it was mine and if it was registered in the state of Pennsylvania. I smiled and happily told him of course it was. Even added a “sir.” I about threw up when he asked if I realized my registration was [...]