Ξ May 11th, 2008 | → 20 Comments | ∇ mom |
Mother’s Day is difficult when your Mom has died. There is no picking up the phone and confirming plans for the day. I have no dinner to buy, no present to agonize over. Really, nothing was ever enough anyhow. One little present, a few “special” hours one day a year…I mean, how do you thank the woman who dealt with morning sickness, labor pains, dirty diapers, being a single mom, exhausted days of work at her job followed by work at home, a stubborn self during my terrible twos, my rebellious self in my teen years, my living with a man she couldn’t stand and prayed that I wouldn’t marry, my ending a relationship with a man she adored, me lashing out at her during the flood clean up instead of barking at anyone else simply because deep down I knew that she had to love me no matter what…
I miss her. I really, really do. And no matter how much I ramble on here I won’t be able to properly convey the tightness squeezing my heart, the closing of my throat as I try to breathe when the hot tears fall. If only I knew how to get over my feelings of loss, the feeling of being alone even when surrounded by a room full of people who love me. I just miss her. And dammit, I hate that the word “miss” doesn’t even begin to describe the feeling. On one hand I desperately want this feeling to ease, yet on the other I would feel that I was doing Mom a disservice if I ever cease to feel this pain.
May all of you who are able to still hug your moms have the ability to do so today. Even if it is a long distance hug over the phone.
To those of you whose moms have already past, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Really, I am.