Photos and General Recap – Kentucky Edition
Ξ April 16th, 2008 | → 38 Comments | ∇ Uncategorized |
Shots at my age? Stooooopid. But fun!
Calling some guys douche bags can be dangerous, yet also hilarious. Especially when said douche bag admits it, knocks knuckles and then goes back to his table, only to fall asleep within 10 minutes. (Sorry that I don’t have a photo of douche bag.)
When Turnbaby licks you, if you ask nicely she will do it again.
Which reminds me, the horse race was great fun, but the highlight was meeting Turnbaby. She is beautiful and kind and sexy and funny and even said “sugar” for me on command.
The Liquor Barn is the most amazing liquor store that I have ever been in. Like Costco or Sam’s Club. But a vast warehouse of booze. We took photos like tourists. And already are eagerly anticipating the visit next year. They are marked on the map!
Horse races can be fun even if you don’t bet. Although folks around you won’t appreciate your turning horse names into song (“Posse cat, posse cat i love you. Yes I do.” “What’s new posse cat whoa whoa whoa”). I am not a gambler so I just picked a horse and hollered “RUN” as loud as I could. 
When you meet the owner of Maker’s Mark and a Big Muckety Muck with Jim Beam, and when they literally give you the hat off of their head (thanks, Rory!), don’t look like a window licker in the photos that you plan to post to the internet. (How embarrassing.)
Master Distillers are terribly kind with their knowledge. And their bourbon. Plus? Soft lips.
Friday night we met Tim, the hardest working bartender in Lexington. We also me Joe, the hardest working guy trying to get laid in Lexington. (Turn definitely picked a good bar!)
Getting the speeding ticket on the way home (totally deserved…I blew past three or four cops before getting nailed by the fun cop who laughed at us) wasn’t the worst way to end the trip. After all, it is difficult to be sad or mad when wearing a horse hat. Only way it would have been a better experience would have been if I had been handcuffed and bent over the hood of my vehicle. What?!??!!!
I think it is amazing that I am related to women so spectacular that I desire to vacation with them, even if it is only a quick weekend to Kentucky. Tinkle TomTom and Twinkle Twat, I admire and adore each of you. Thanks for being such a huge part of my life. (What?!?!? What??! Stupid bitch, you are a fabulous adult female role model. hehe)
Lots of love,
Twitter Twat
(I love that last photo. When is your birthday? hehe)
on April 16th, 2008 at 12:17 AM
I haven’t read this yet because itls longn I’m on my mobile, and I’m watching idol, but on first lookover my criticism of this post would be that there are no naked pictures as promised
on April 16th, 2008 at 12:20 AM
there may not be naked pics… but I see lot’s of boobage!!!
hawt!
on April 16th, 2008 at 1:02 AM
I AM NOT MISSING NEXT YEAR. AND YES, I AM YELLING, BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO KNOW I MEAN IT.
(Lexington is no further from me than Chicago. I’m there.)
on April 16th, 2008 at 1:32 AM
It looks like you had a great time! You shoulda asked me who to bet in the Maker’s Mark Mile. You woulda made $36.40 on the exacta.
on April 16th, 2008 at 6:15 AM
That is a lot of high quality cheesecake on the hoof.
There’s probably a better way of saying that…
on April 16th, 2008 at 6:19 AM
othurme darling – half nekkid thursday is tomorrow. in less than 24 hours you will have a photo. although it will probably only be one. i am thinking of spreading them out over a bunch of thursdays.
tori – when my family is involved, there will be lots of boobage. we are blessed in many ways.
gwen – FUCK YEAH YOU WILL BE THERE WITH US NEXT YEAR! although we might have to call you tardy twat. hehe
winter – we’ll know for next year! although honestly, i don’t like gambling. even if it is a sure thing. probably because i am afraid of liking it too much. i tend to have an addictive personality and don’t want to like gambling. does that make sense?
on April 16th, 2008 at 6:20 AM
fab – what the fuck did you just say?!??!?!!
on April 16th, 2008 at 6:52 AM
Fun thing #1 about the pictures: Seeing your beautiful face. Well, seeing the different shades of pink and red it turns depending on how much you’ve had to drink so far. Case and point: Pictures with the bartender and Mr. Wanna-Get-Laid. But it looks like you had a wonderful time.
Fun thing #2 about the pictures: Boobs.
on April 16th, 2008 at 7:54 AM
I must say that the four of us could not be beat on boobage–no way no how.
I loved sharing your weekend. I miss being able to do this with my sisters and you made me feel like family.
Can’t wait until next year sugar.
Smooch
on April 16th, 2008 at 8:44 AM
shiny – daaaaaaaaah, you said i had a beautiful face. thanks for that so early in the morning. even if you do make fun of my pink and red variations. hehe. bet if i wore makeup it would help. i just can’t be bothered, though. glad we could help with the boobs for ya!
turn – you sure did bring some lovely breasts to the party! we won’t tell anyone how much we enjoyed how they touched mine when we hugged. shhhhhhh.
it was phenomenal to add your gorgeous blonde self to the family. we needed a blonde and you were the perfect fit. smooches right back at cha!
on April 16th, 2008 at 9:05 AM
I can’t wait till next year…. maybe we should look into a block of rooms with the crowd we’re accumulating…
YAY!
on April 16th, 2008 at 9:33 AM
Okay, what is a window licker?
on April 16th, 2008 at 10:11 AM
I would like to invite Turnbaby to the Annual Finger Lakes Wine Tasting Extravaganza. That is if Twaddle Twat can ever figure out when she is going to schedule the damned thing. How about it Tastey Twat, you got a weekend in mind yet? Let me know wht you think, Tongue-in Twat…
Hehehehehehehehehehe.
on April 16th, 2008 at 10:33 AM
sarah – yeah, we really should get the double tree to save us several rooms. i love that hotel. this year it was undergoing remodeling so i think next year’s stay will be even better. best part? 2 beds in one room, plus the pull out couch in a room seperated by doors so your momma’s snoring didn’t keep me up all night!
adam – are you serious? you don’t know about the kids who ride the short bus and lick the windows? you don’t know about the “special” kids?
donnie – i thought we settled on may. the weekend of may 23rd, actually. fucker.
on April 16th, 2008 at 10:44 AM
How much is said hotel – I can usually talk to my travel peoples here and find out where I get discounts… I also know I get car rental discounts if we’re not tryin’ to drive the personal ve-hikle. I’ll look into that too.
The nice thing about the block is you don’t have to worry about waking your neightbors (not that we would – worry that is) because their drunk asses are out with you.
There’s a lady that I work with that is absolutely down for going – and her daughter. She’s very much like the momma and I’m really hopiong they come.
This group gets bigger by the day – and we still have a year.
on April 16th, 2008 at 12:00 PM
Ooooohhhh… does seem like a great vacation and lots of fun! So glad you did this!
on April 16th, 2008 at 12:25 PM
Hey! That lick was from ME!!!!
on April 16th, 2008 at 12:27 PM
sar – hotel prices vary. i think we paid, including taxes, $170 a night for the “suite.”
bite your tongue on the rental cars! the drive is half the fun. even the ticket was hilarious. and cheap!
liz – lady, you would have so much fun at this event. i highly recommend that you consider attending next year. we won’t even force you to tattoo or pierce anything. well, unless you want to, then we will hold your hand and encourage you. although i highly suggest that you let turn lick your face. surprisingly pleasant.
on April 16th, 2008 at 12:28 PM
I know what the short bus is, but I’ve never heard of someone referred to as a “window licker”. That’s a new one!
on April 16th, 2008 at 12:29 PM
BRITT!! – hey, you snuck in there on me!
the first lick was from you. the second was all turn. wheeeeeeeeeeeee! (wanna lick my face in philly?)
on April 16th, 2008 at 12:30 PM
adam – sonofabitch, you snuck in there also! wtf are you two trying to do to me?
are you saying that i just taught the great and powerful avitable a common phrase? sheesh, i am all about head up and shoulders back on that one.
now hold your right arm across your chest and try to bite your right shoulder. good boy.
on April 16th, 2008 at 12:42 PM
I can’t possibly be aware of every redneck colloquialism that’s out there!
on April 16th, 2008 at 12:46 PM
my dear adam – i live in pittsburgh. window licker is not a redneck colloquialism. not that there would be anything wrong with it if it were. hehe
hey, when we are in philly will you try to bite your shoulder for me? i just might pee my pants if you do. wait, that is not incentive. woops.
on April 16th, 2008 at 12:50 PM
I don’t know – Pittsburgh seems pretty redneck to me!
:P
on April 16th, 2008 at 12:59 PM
avit – i’m bringing the horse hat to philly and making you wear it while i spank your ass for not singing the praises of my town. fucker.
on April 16th, 2008 at 1:02 PM
There are praises about Pittsburgh??!!??
on April 16th, 2008 at 1:13 PM
adam – ok, you are so not funny. say anything you want about me, but leave my town alone. keep it up and you will regret it.
on April 16th, 2008 at 1:14 PM
fucker.
on April 16th, 2008 at 1:14 PM
Heheheheh.
on April 16th, 2008 at 3:11 PM
I proudly accept my Twat moniker.
on April 16th, 2008 at 4:24 PM
gwen – i love that you will not argue when we call you tardy twat. you are awesome, my friend!
on April 16th, 2008 at 11:10 PM
So great you had an awesome time on your trip, that second pic. of you and Turn is beautiful and Turn’s a licker…COOOOL.
Strange, I don’t see any of those drunken nekked pics. are ya holdin out on us darlin ?
on April 17th, 2008 at 12:08 AM
It was SO nice to meet you on Jester’s radio show!! I’ve added ya and will keep in touch!
on April 17th, 2008 at 12:35 AM
truk – thanks, especially for the darlin! come back after 1 AM and you will see the hnt shot.
tsm – i enjoyed the chat room with you over at jester’s place. fun show! looking forward to having a moment and checking out your page. first post i saw was great, though. thanks again for stopping by.
on April 17th, 2008 at 11:06 AM
We did agree on a weekend in May. But I hadn’t thought that it was Memorial Day weekend. It is fine with us’ns up here. Can you get Turnbaby to join us for the wine tasting? And try not to call me fucker…it hurts my feelings.
on April 17th, 2008 at 11:34 AM
don – woops, didn’t realize that it was memorial day. interesting. i shall give that one some thought. only problem might be the dogs, but i’ll look into it. cocksucker.
on April 17th, 2008 at 12:39 PM
Mamorial day would be OK with me. If that’s what you wanna do, Bukake Babe.
on July 26th, 2008 at 3:54 PM
[...] as breakfast was fucking fantastic. Twinkle Twat (you might remember my cousin from our April adventure to Kentucky for the Maker’s Mark Mile) and I met rather early in the morning to get the [...]